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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 22, 2014 8:46:46 GMT 9
Gunston Hitachi to provide world's fastest elevator to China
---Technology Apr. 22, 2014 - 06:11AM JST---
--TOKYO--
Hitachi said on Monday that it will provide the world’s fastest elevators, which can clock speeds of up to 1,200 meters per second, to a high-rise building in China.
"Yeah mate, new technology" said contracted spokesman "Mr Trevor" (pictured below). "We call it the '3D'. That stands for "dizzy, death and uhhh... dingo's".
"Elevator? Nah mate, this is my ute. Now please get the fuck out of the way." --Hitachi spokesman Mr T.Gunston.
The lift, which was rigourously tested in the Woolongong Desert in Australia's outback, will be able to travel the length of the 440-meter building shaft—from the first to the 95th floor—in a stomach-churning 3 seconds.
"This cunt isn't testing anything. He's just driving that fuckhead ute around and around in the desert."
"Yeah, the bloke at Hitachi told me there might be a few chinks in the elevator to work through" continued Mr Gunston. "Now that I think about it, he didnt really give a fuck about any of the "slowing down" side of elevatorial things at all. I even got the feeling that as a jap he wasn't entirely dead keen on the chinks at all. Still, who gives a shit, the contract's signed, some half-blind cunts in Asia somewhere now owe us $600 bucks."
China accounts for about 60% of global demand for elevators and is "pretty much hated by all cunts worldwide and a few of the uppity little chinamen wouldn't really be missed at all in the wider scheme of things" a Japanese Hitachi official said.
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