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Post by thedonald on May 26, 2017 2:03:35 GMT 9
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Post by thedonald on May 28, 2017 9:05:50 GMT 9
Just cleaning up the mess around here that others call "home" only to find a postcard. Yes, a postcard from Gunston Family Funeral Homes. Here is the text:
(Top) Gen-o drew these. He is a fucking idiot.
Dearest Half-Dead Prick,
We here at Gunston Funeral Homes would like to commend you on making it to 40 years of age. That's the good news. The bad news is that your time is up. Please report to Gunston Funeral Homes immediately for your organs to be harvested. No, we do not hiff them on the fucking BBQ. Don't be bloody stupid! We're not Chinamen! If you must know, we bag the heavier organs and use them to stop the draught coming under the doors in winter. The rest of the mush, Trevor biffs it onto the back of the Ute and chucks it into the creek. Don't panic, he chucks your shit out gently.
Anyway, Gene-O is on stand-by armed with a fueled-up McCullough XIV Deforester awaiting delivery of your shitty innards. Hurry up, Aunty Doris is already whiging about the cold and it is only March.
Regards,
Gunston Family Funeral Homes
(Bottom) Brisbane--Queensland--Australia
A golden evening glow highlights Captain Cook Bridge and Brisbane's inner city buildings as well as this week's pricks who didn't pay their bills.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 28, 2017 9:47:58 GMT 9
Ha, was rooting around my emails a few years ago and found the “ON REPORT” emails by Gaijjinpot members to me, in my capacity as, inexplicably, GaijinPot Moderator.
Of course, I never read any of the emails. Like fuck I’m going to rush off and delete some pricks laboriously typed out post just because it clatters into a Glumski’s anal cunty world view of jackbooted pin-pricked anti-lifery.
maybe the Statuette of Limitations has run out on the emails and I should unfurl the fuckers
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Post by thedonald on Jun 6, 2017 1:03:57 GMT 9
No identifying details and you are free to release them on the world as far as I know, which isn't all that far. Well, I am guessing. I'll stop here.
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Post by thedonald on Jun 6, 2017 1:06:19 GMT 9
From some internet shite:
Lots of the usual Christian posts admonishing everyone who will listen about the 'sins' of homosexuality. I often hear and read such scripture-based claims, which tend to borrow heavily from the Old Testament (particularly Genesis), and which also exhort us to heed God's word. I just have a few questions for our Bible student friends, to help me better understand God's word.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. An American friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own a Canadian in particular Nova Scotians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women get REALLY angry.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves and play in goal?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
And Jesus himself says in Matthew 5:17-18 that the old laws were still in force.
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Post by thedonald on Jun 7, 2017 16:45:13 GMT 9
I had to hear one of these types of jokes almost every day of my life growing up (process still ongoing). And that is how Donald J. Trump remembers it.
Q: Is there a difference between capitalism and communism?
A: In principle, yes. In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the reverse.
Q: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?
A: In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Q: Is it true that the poet Vladimir Mayakovsky committed suicide?
A: Yes, it is true, and even the record of his very last words is preserved: "Don't shoot, comrades."
Q: Why is there no flour in the market?
A: Because they began adding it to the bread.
Q: Is it true that in the Soviet Union people do not need stereophonic equipment?
A: In principle, yes. One hears exactly the same thing from all sides.
Q: Is it true that conditions in our labor camps are excellent?
A: In principle, yes. Five years ago one of our listeners was not convinced of this, so he was sent to investigate. He seems to have liked it so much that he hasn't returned yet.
Q: Under communism will we still have money?
A: No, none of that either.
Q: Could an atomic bomb destroy our beloved town, Yerevan, with its splendid buildings and beautiful gardens ?
A: In principle, yes. But Moscow is by far a more beautiful city.
Q: What is chaos?
A: We do not comment on national economics.
Q: What is cosmopolitan?
A: Cosmonaut's deputy in political affairs.
Q: What is a Soviet musical duet?
A: It's a musical quartet after a trip abroad.
Q: We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon. What then is a horizon?
A: Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.
Q: Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?
A: What if they refuse to return?
Q: When Nixon visited Moscow, he and Khrushchev had a race around the Kremlin. Nixon came the first. How should our media report on that?
A: As follows: In the international running competition the General Secretary of the Communist Party took the honorable second place, while President Nixon came in next to last.
Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR? Both guarantee freedom of speech.
A: Yes, and the US Constitution also guarantees freedom after speech.
Q: What is permitted and what is prohibited?
In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.
In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.
In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.
In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.
In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
Q: Why have Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents have been exiled from the country?
A: Did you know that the best products are always selected for export?
Q: What is common between a pregnant eight-grader and Trabant?
A: Both are shame of the family.
Q: Is it true that Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov from Moscow won a car in a lottery?
A: In principle yes, but:
it wasn't Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov but Aleksander Aleksandrovich Aleksandrov;
he is not from Moscow but from Odessa;
it was not a car but a bicycle;
he didn't win it, but it was stolen from him.
Q: What is the difference between erotica and porno?
A: The sharpness of camera focusing.
Q: Can a woman remain virgin after three marriages?
A: Yes, if the first husband was French, the second one is Armenian, and the third one is Soviet academician.
Q: What can a woman make from nothing?
A: A stylish haircut, a salad, and a tragedy.
Q: Can a man have a hundred women a night?
A: Yes he can, if it is a polar night.
Q: What is "Russian business"?
A: To steal a crate of vodka, to sell it, and then drink the money away.
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Post by thedonald on Jun 21, 2017 14:44:38 GMT 9
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Post by thedonald on Jun 21, 2017 23:23:18 GMT 9
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