Post by Sprague Dawley on Dec 6, 2017 18:45:47 GMT 9
Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre
Gidday, Roto-Rooters!
Gene "Gene-o" Gunston here.
Now then, introductions out of the way, down to business:
Is your Sheila all clogged up with Wayne's sprog?
Well, when you hear the familiar chimes of your friendly neighbourhood
Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre making its rounds, grab preggers by
the hair, drag her outside, down the path, out the gate, chuck her
in the van, and we'll flush the unsightly bulge out right then and there!
Fucken cheap!
50 bucks a sprog!
2,000 bucks for twins!
500 bucks if the little cunt looks foreign!
Our Mobile Birthing Centre is
equipped with all the mod cons:
Heavy Duty Prongs.
Some sprogs are reluctant to come out at first.
A few jabs with these prongs and they soon change their tune.
We WILL Get Your Sprog Out.
GUNSTON GUARANTEE
WE HAVEN'T LEFT ONE UP THERE YET.
Identifying A Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre.
"But what does a Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre look like??" you scream frantically
Gidday, Roto-Rooters!
Gene "Gene-o" Gunston here.
Now then, introductions out of the way, down to business:
Is your Sheila all clogged up with Wayne's sprog?
Well, when you hear the familiar chimes of your friendly neighbourhood
Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre making its rounds, grab preggers by
the hair, drag her outside, down the path, out the gate, chuck her
in the van, and we'll flush the unsightly bulge out right then and there!
Fucken cheap!
50 bucks a sprog!
2,000 bucks for twins!
500 bucks if the little cunt looks foreign!
Our Mobile Birthing Centre is
equipped with all the mod cons:
Heavy Duty Prongs.
Some sprogs are reluctant to come out at first.
A few jabs with these prongs and they soon change their tune.
We WILL Get Your Sprog Out.
GUNSTON GUARANTEE
WE HAVEN'T LEFT ONE UP THERE YET.
Identifying A Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre.
"But what does a Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre look like??" you scream frantically
as your preggers sea-cow Doris drips birth-hatch smeg all over the shagpile carpet.
Rest easy squire, because THIS is what a
Rest easy squire, because THIS is what a
Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre looks like:
Loosely translated, that mumbo-jumbo at the top says "Gunston Mobile
Birthing Centre: #1 in Australia and Japan."
Those big squiggles down there say "GUNSTON."
The more observant (and less pregnant) among you may have noticed that
nowhere on the van does it say in English "Gunston Mobile Birthing
Centre". Patient confidentiality is very important to us here at
The Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre Unit.
* note, sorry, the bloody door is busted at the moment, bastard thing is
jammed open, Trevor said he'd fix it a bit later. Although, bugger me,
easier access, maybe we should leave it open like that!
WARNING!
Some dumb cunts seem to think that the contraption pictured below is a
Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre Unit.
WRONG!
That's a Gunston Gravedigger2000, you blind cunt!
Sprogs don't need the Gunston Gravedigger2000!! Sprogs are just small
bastards! Trevor can hiff them in the creek, no problem, no need for all
the grave-digging malarkie.
Patient Testimonials:
WHAT MOTHERS SAY:
"The little prick just wouldn't come out so Gene-o was up there quick as
a flash, jumping on me tum, no questions asked. My word, did that little
bastard squirt out quick-fast! Good work, Gene-o. Fancy a root?"
- Doris of Woolongong.
SPONSOR
"I picked out a fucken ace one from the freezer after my first one
turned out to be a bloody girl. Even named the little shit 'Trevor!"
- Sheila of Bondi.
"Dr Gunston kindly advised me that the act of childbirth was less
painful if you were getting rooted up the shitter at the same time. He
even knocked a bit off the bill. Thank you, Dr Gunston!"
- Doris of Coolangatta.
"They gave me a stiff shot of something but I woke up halfway through
the birth.My word, those Gunston boys have small cocks*."
- Sheila from Perth.
* edited for factual inaccuracy
"I am ashamed to say I was screaming hysterically during the act of
childbirth. Trevor gave a quick sheep-whistle, the van screeched to a
halt, Aunty Doris got out of the drivers seat, came in the back and
BAM!, cracked me with a good, hard right directly to the face.
When I came to, it was night-time and I was lying by the curb clutching
a stuffed teddy bear that had a bill for 800 bucks in its mouth.
I apologise for my deranged behaviour and inconveniencing the Gunston
Mobile Childbirth Unit."
- Doris from Sydney.
=============================
Well, there ya go, glowing testimonials all-round.
So next time you hear the familiar Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre Van
jingle around your neighbourhood, grab yer Doris and haul her outside
and into our van!
Righto.
Gene-o.
- Sheila of Bondi.
"Dr Gunston kindly advised me that the act of childbirth was less
painful if you were getting rooted up the shitter at the same time. He
even knocked a bit off the bill. Thank you, Dr Gunston!"
- Doris of Coolangatta.
"They gave me a stiff shot of something but I woke up halfway through
the birth.
- Sheila from Perth.
* edited for factual inaccuracy
"I am ashamed to say I was screaming hysterically during the act of
childbirth. Trevor gave a quick sheep-whistle, the van screeched to a
halt, Aunty Doris got out of the drivers seat, came in the back and
BAM!, cracked me with a good, hard right directly to the face.
When I came to, it was night-time and I was lying by the curb clutching
a stuffed teddy bear that had a bill for 800 bucks in its mouth.
I apologise for my deranged behaviour and inconveniencing the Gunston
Mobile Childbirth Unit."
- Doris from Sydney.
=============================
Well, there ya go, glowing testimonials all-round.
So next time you hear the familiar Gunston Mobile Birthing Centre Van
jingle around your neighbourhood, grab yer Doris and haul her outside
and into our van!
Righto.
Gene-o.