Post by Sprague Dawley on Dec 6, 2017 19:10:04 GMT 9
United States of America Civil Defence Brochure
Dial L for Switzerland.
Verse 5:12 in the Bible?
What is it?
Oops, too slow, radiation on the cock, oh shi
ALWAYS wash your hands thoroughly
before dialling "L" for Switzerland.
A car aerial this large will alert terrorists as to your
whereabouts within seconds. Jesus. Just use a
fucken coat hangar like everyone else.
In the event of biological agents stripping your face of it's features
and causing your body to grow to grotesque proportions:
1. Proceed indoors in a calm, orderly fashion (mind your head.)
2. Stay there, out of public view.
3. Await further instructions, ELEPHANT MAN.
"Yeahhh, might get that as a cool new tattoo around my bumhole."
Meanwhile, all the fish are dying from radiation poisoning.
In the event of a terrorist attack, quickly throttle yourself.
Ignore the colors and move briskly towards the light.
This is an " interactive" diagram.
1. Turn on your computer speakers.
2. Press your nose close to the diagram.
3. Smell anything?
Back up, Beaker.
In the time you have wasted reading this, a lethal nerve gas has infiltrated your computer whilst Agent Orange (above, centre) has incapacitated your family and loved ones in the other room.
Nice one, NOAM.
As the biological agents take effect and you grow to monstrous
size, remember to DUCK AND ROLL, concealing your face as your
appearance becomes increasingly hideous.
Keep your head out of the clouds.
Terrorists exploit overconfidence.
Ignore exits with oversized red arrows partially jammed in the door.
THESE ARE CLEARLY TERRORIST TRAPS.
Don't be a hero.
As you cower and stave off the inevitable, you
may as well attempt to fellate yourself one last time.
Ignore the hand and the arrows.
Why is the door elevated? Are you at sea?
Where did you wake up this morning? THINK.
To thwart the terrorist, one must think like the terrorist.
Memorise elaborate escape routes.
2 days after exposure to radiation your body is longer than two entire city blocks.
Forget "Elephant Man". Head straight to Roswell.
Give my regards to Broadway, Roswell.
Start spreading the news.
Argument with the spouse?
Let it go.
File it away.
Then cometh the hour, calmly proceed to your
basement fallout shelter and lock that bitch out.
GREEN WIRE? RED WIRE? GREEN? RED?
Which one DAMNIT, which ONE?
There are no wires.
In your haste you have misinterpreted the diagram.
R.I.P.
In the event of a terrorist attack you have roughly 10 minutes to sell
all of your shit and head straight to Switzerland (see following diagram)
Dial L for Switzerland.
Verse 5:12 in the Bible?
What is it?
Oops, too slow, radiation on the cock, oh shi
ALWAYS wash your hands thoroughly
before dialling "L" for Switzerland.
A car aerial this large will alert terrorists as to your
whereabouts within seconds. Jesus. Just use a
fucken coat hangar like everyone else.
In the event of biological agents stripping your face of it's features
and causing your body to grow to grotesque proportions:
1. Proceed indoors in a calm, orderly fashion (mind your head.)
2. Stay there, out of public view.
3. Await further instructions, ELEPHANT MAN.
"Yeahhh, might get that as a cool new tattoo around my bumhole."
Meanwhile, all the fish are dying from radiation poisoning.
In the event of a terrorist attack, quickly throttle yourself.
Ignore the colors and move briskly towards the light.
This is an " interactive" diagram.
1. Turn on your computer speakers.
2. Press your nose close to the diagram.
3. Smell anything?
Back up, Beaker.
In the time you have wasted reading this, a lethal nerve gas has infiltrated your computer whilst Agent Orange (above, centre) has incapacitated your family and loved ones in the other room.
Nice one, NOAM.
As the biological agents take effect and you grow to monstrous
size, remember to DUCK AND ROLL, concealing your face as your
appearance becomes increasingly hideous.
Keep your head out of the clouds.
Terrorists exploit overconfidence.
Ignore exits with oversized red arrows partially jammed in the door.
THESE ARE CLEARLY TERRORIST TRAPS.
Don't be a hero.
As you cower and stave off the inevitable, you
may as well attempt to fellate yourself one last time.
Ignore the hand and the arrows.
Why is the door elevated? Are you at sea?
Where did you wake up this morning? THINK.
To thwart the terrorist, one must think like the terrorist.
Memorise elaborate escape routes.
2 days after exposure to radiation your body is longer than two entire city blocks.
Forget "Elephant Man". Head straight to Roswell.
Give my regards to Broadway, Roswell.
Start spreading the news.
Argument with the spouse?
Let it go.
File it away.
Then cometh the hour, calmly proceed to your
basement fallout shelter and lock that bitch out.
GREEN WIRE? RED WIRE? GREEN? RED?
Which one DAMNIT, which ONE?
There are no wires.
In your haste you have misinterpreted the diagram.
R.I.P.
In the event of a terrorist attack you have roughly 10 minutes to sell
all of your shit and head straight to Switzerland (see following diagram)