Post by Sprague Dawley on Jul 29, 2019 13:12:41 GMT 9
Gidday, cunts.
Fucken Wayne here.
Fuck yeah cunts.
Jeff got me this job manning the Amazon FAQ Help Desk. Pretty good job, plenty of time to whack off. Fucken piece of piss rolling up the back door so Trev can back the ute in and fill the fucker up with primo amazon shit too.
Righto, the fucken FAQ:
Can I save time shopping online?
Well, you're here arent you? So to answer your question, fuck no.
Can I save money when I shop on the Web?
See above question. Dumb cunt. You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
Can I avoid human contact?
What've you got fucken nits or something? You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
Is some stuff free?
Fuck no. Jeff's a rich cunt, mate. You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
Can I just research products online, and then go to a local store?
Fine then, fuck ya, go on, fuck off then. You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
How private is the information I provide to an online store?
I dunno, how private do you want it to be...
What Do I Need to Shop Online?
You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
Do I have to have a particular computer or Web browser?
Daewoo all the way. You are a valued ah fuck this
What Kind of Stores Are on the Web?
Online stores.
What makes online stores possible?
Magnets.
What are the signs that an online store is reliable?
Jeff's face. You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
What makes an online store easy to use?
Computers.
Where Can I Find a Good Store?
The internet. Fuck me some of these questions are shit.
Why doesn't this store offer a paper catalog?
Ask Jeff.
What lies behind the store's search mechanism?
Some nerd cunt.
How can I search for a product if I don't know a brand name?
You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
I got too many results. How can I narrow down my search?
Fucked if I know. Maybe close one eye?
What if I completely fail to discover the product using the search?
Blame Daewoo.
Why does the store want to know about my tastes, interests, age, and marital status?
Jeff likes a good fantasy thrash.
What if I forget my user name?
Your name is Jason Bourne.
What is this log-in stuff?
I know, right?
Are there different ways to pay?
Sure.
What is checkout?
It's when you're walking around and you turn around to check out a lady's arse. It's awesome fun, you should totally fucken try it.
How safe is my credit card information with an online store?
Moderately safe. You are a valued customer. Anything else I can help you with?
What does "submit" mean?
Jeff has a HUGE collection of submission vids. Fucken HUGE.
What shipping options do I have?
Really, what options do any of us have?
Why won't they ship to a post office box?
Because you're a fucken terrorist.
On a military base, what kind of shipping can I get?
Fuck off jarhead cunt.
How much does shipping cost?
It's not cheap mate.
What should I do the moment I receive my package?
Squeal like a little girl.
How can I return a product?
Chuck it over the balcony. Jeff's waiting below to catch it.
Where Can I Go to Solve Problems?
FAQ
What can I do to avoid fraud online?
Look up Jung instead.
What can I do if I am the victim of fraud?
Fucked if I know mate I'm not the dickhead with a mother complex.