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Post by thedonald on Sept 22, 2017 11:16:18 GMT 9
Dear America, I hereby bestow the honor of watching me as POTUS on each and every individual on the planet. I count you all as present wherever I go. I do my best to let you how great a job I am doing, but these "reporters" misinterpret each and every action of mine most days. It's a good thing that I have my own news media consultants working on my behalf or I would believe that I had some improvements to make other than making America great again. My job is almost finished today so out come the golf clubs for the weekend. I must use that North Korean leader's head for a golf ball sooner rather than later. And I'll make it fit into each and every hole on the greens. Fact.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Sept 24, 2017 7:22:34 GMT 9
Donnie, don't you listen to the naysayers, you are doing a GREAT job as POTUS.
A great job.
Your reign has been a BOON to the fake news industry, or, at least, to my industry. The memeosphere is thriving, way more thrivey than it wouldve been under Crooked Hilary.
ps your guns look solid from this court illustrators depiction of your UN visit:
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Post by thedonald on Sept 30, 2017 3:18:31 GMT 9
Dear America, I own Equifax Inc. You are welcome for that information. And your information is welcome to me. Please see the court illustrators depiction of my UN visit for details.
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Post by thedonald on Nov 6, 2017 8:15:21 GMT 9
Dear Mr. SDDC, I commend you for your good words. I, of course, use the best words. For you, Mr. SDDC, I bestow a lifetime supply of Ted Nugent vinyl records. After I use Japan as a launchpad and invade North Korea, which is hording the damn albums, I will get those Ted Nugent gems to you via Air Force One, of course. Melania says "Hello!" and "Thanks!" for something or other. Her words are not as good as mine so I let her mumble away while I be great. Presidentially and Conventionally, The Donald Donnie, don't you listen to the naysayers, you are doing a GREAT job as POTUS.
A great job.
Your reign has been a BOON to the fake news industry, or, at least, to my industry. The memeosphere is thriving, way more thrivey than it wouldve been under Crooked Hilary.
ps your guns look solid from this court illustrators depiction of your UN visit:
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Post by thedonald on Nov 8, 2017 9:23:59 GMT 9
Dear America, The reports regarding my having syphilis are fake news. Totally fake news. I am NOT a "Sypher" or any such thing. For my uneducated followers, syphilis is something OTHER PEOPLE can get by direct contact with a syphilis sore during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. OTHER PEOPLE can find sores on or around the penis, vagina, or anus, or in the rectum, on the lips, or in the mouth. Syphilis can spread from an infected mother (NOT MINE) to her unborn baby (NOT ME). Fact.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Nov 9, 2017 9:36:18 GMT 9
Don't mind them Donny, syphilus, that's linked to the whole syphilitic brain thing that some people get, but that's for people with small brains, not for brainy people, and you've got a huge brain Donny, huge, so much brain in there. Your IQ would be well into the hundreds.
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Post by thedonald on Nov 9, 2017 9:41:32 GMT 9
Dear America,
I am standing here talking some imps such as that Mr. Secretary General, Mr. President, some supposed world leaders, and the undistinguished delegates. I welcome you guys to New York. It is a profound honor to sit here in my home city, as a representatives of the entire world, to listen to me. I put the "ME" in America, as you know.
As millions of our citizens continue to suffer the effects of the devastating blustering of Crooked Hillary that has struck my country, I want to begin by expressing my appreciation to every leader in this room who has offered assistance and aid to to stop Crooked Hillary, especially the Russian delegation. The American people are strong and resilient, and they will emerge from these hardships more determined than ever before to drink Jack Daniel's and listen to Alan Jackson.
Fortunately, the United States has done very well since Election Day last November 8th. The stock market is at an all-time high -- a record that means I stand to make a lot of money. Unemployment is at its lowest level in 16 years, and because of our regulatory and other reforms as yet unspecified to me due to security reasons, we have more people working seven or eight part-time jobs in the United States today than ever before. Companies are moving back to Mexico, which is so close to the U.S.A. that people can cross the border to work, creating job growth the likes of which that country has not seen in a very long time. And it has just been announced that we will be spending almost $700 billion on our military and defense to build a wall to make sure that Mexicans don't take the 3 or 4 jobs left in Texas and California. Progress marches on.
Our military will soon be the strongest it has ever been. For more than 70 years, in times of war and peace, the leaders of nations, movements, and religions have stood before this assembly. Like them, I intend to address some of the very serious threats before us today but also the enormous potential waiting to be unleashed on supporters of Crooked Hillary. Please sit down. I am not finished.
We live in a time of extraordinary opportunity. Breakthroughs in science, technology, and medicine are curing illnesses and solving problems that prior generations thought impossible to solve. I take full credit for all of it. Real estate speculation has untold benefits for the world.
But each day also brings news of growing dangers that threaten everything I cherish and value. Terrorists and extremists have gathered strength and spread to every region of the planet. Rogue regimes represented in this body not only support terrorists but threaten other nations and their own people with the most destructive weapons known to humanity. I would prefer it if I had the only destructive weapons so get that on the menu here sooner rather than later.
Authority and authoritarian powers seek to collapse the values, the systems, and alliances that prevented conflict and tilted the world toward freedom since World War II. I am making sure that America is at the forefront of these developments as explained to me by the Russian delegation.
International criminal networks traffic drugs, weapons, people; force dislocation and mass migration; threaten my investments; and new forms of aggression exploit technology to menace my holdings. I am increasing profits as much as I can for business and making more careers in real estate speculation. You are welcome.
To put it simply, we meet at a time of both of immense promise and great peril. It is entirely up to us whether we lift the world to new heights, or let it fall into a valley of disrepair. Actually, nothing has changed since 1945 other than my family is a bit wealthier so stop looking so sad over there in the Kenyan delegation.
I have it in our power, should I so choose I could lift millions from poverty to help people realize their dreams, and to ensure that new generations of children are raised free from violence, hatred, and fear. Ignore the billions in poverty, though. Only a few million are worth our attention, actually. I will do something about that once you have done something about Crooked Hillary and my RATINGS.
This institution was founded in the aftermath of two world wars to help shape this better future. It was based on the vision that diverse nations could cooperate to protect their sovereignty, preserve their security, and promote their prosperity. And thanks to me, I am much more prosperous than a year ago.
Strong, sovereign nations let diverse countries with different values, different cultures, and different dreams not just coexist, but work side by side on the basis of mutual respect of me. Yes, ME.
Strong, sovereign nations let their people take ownership of the future and control their own destiny. And strong, sovereign nations allow individuals to flourish in the fullness of the life intended by God a.k.a. me.
In America, we seek to impose our way of life on anyone I target. This week gives our country a special reason to take pride in that example. We are celebrating the 230th anniversary of our beloved Constitution -- the oldest constitution still in use in the world today. I do not know how it works, but you can make a lot of money getting around it.
But making a better life for our people also requires us to work together in close harmony and unity to create a more safe and peaceful future for all people who are willing to pay me and the Russian delegation.
I am a proud supporter of all charities related to the eradication of syphilis so will take this moment to congratulate myself. Thank you, Ukrainian delegation, for the loud cheers.
My hope is a word and world of proud, independent nations that embrace their duties to me, seek friendship with me, respect me, and make common cause in the greatest shared interest of all: a future of dignity and peace for the people of this wonderful Earth where all will recognize me as the star of "Celebrity Apprentice" when its ratings were actually good.
This is the true vision of the United Nations, the ancient wish of every people, and the deepest yearning that lives inside every sacred soul--TELEVISION RATINGS.
So let this be our mission, and let this be our message to the world: We will fight together, sacrifice together, and stand together for TELEVISION RATINGS.
Thank you. I bless you. I bless the nations of the world. And I bless the United States of America. Thank you very much for the clap.
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Post by Botters Testing Guest Function on Nov 9, 2017 11:09:30 GMT 9
I would prefer it if I had the only destructive weapons so get that on the menu here sooner rather than later. Never understood that. "We'll, you've got nukes so why can't we have the fucken things to defend ourselves from lunatic cunts like, say, you?""Ammmericaaa FIRST" hehe brutal final exclamatory punchline right at the very goddamn end there
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Post by thedonald on Nov 16, 2017 4:32:52 GMT 9
Dear America, A few disgruntled losers are trying to gain political capital by claiming that impeachment is looming. It is more likely that I will own their primary residences by the end of the year than any impeachment proceedings will ever take place.
Look for real estate deals on my Twitter account. My good friend, Robert Mugabe, seems to have a few places soon to be on the market. Just trying to help out a friend.
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Post by thedonald on Dec 19, 2017 3:11:28 GMT 9
Dear America, As I have written before with great humility, I put the "ME" in America. This holiday season I will celebrate non-stop Scarface-style in case you are too busy to do so. My tax relief plan has given my family and me a lot more free time in order to help us to spend more time together. The importance of my family to me should not be underestimated. I hope that at some point in your life that you have the opportunity to spend some time with your family. It is not my job, however, to do your work for you.
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Post by thedonald on Dec 25, 2017 8:24:41 GMT 9
Dear America, Tomorrow, beloved Jesusland, you celebrate the birth of your savior--me. Yes, I put the "me" in America. You are welcome. Enjoy your night tonight in preparation for my birthday tomorrow. I have stopped immigrants from coming to the U.S.A. in order that you can celebrate my birthday in peace. You are welcome. In the coming year, I will take all the money that you have given me and spend it on fine Ukrainian comfort, uh, never mind. Rest assured that it will be money well spent. You are welcome.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Dec 25, 2017 9:33:58 GMT 9
Happy Birthday, Donnie.
Not only did you put the "me" in America.
In perhaps your crowning achievement, I believe you have, somehow, managed to put the actual "me" into "me".
Incredible work, Donnie.
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Post by thedonald on Dec 29, 2017 12:33:53 GMT 9
Dear America, Today it is cold. I hereby announce that Earth, despite having always warmed up and cooled down, no longer has any need to concern itself with climate. Climate is part of the art of the deal. It's an attitude, really. If you wear shorts when spit freezes before it hits the ground just tell yourself that you are warm. It always works. Mind over matter. Logic over science, or something like that. I need to put my hair back on. It's a bit chilly in here.
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Post by thedonald on Dec 29, 2017 12:36:12 GMT 9
Happy Birthday, Donnie. Not only did you put the "me" in America. In perhaps your crowning achievement, I believe you have, somehow, managed to put the actual "me" into "me". Incredible work, Donnie. Dear Concerned Citizen, I have put the "me" in "meh" as well. I read that somewhere, but I would need a team of lexicographers to make any sense of it. Perhaps you could explain it to me here on the sly? Sincerely Yours, Donald J. Trump
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Post by thedonald on Jan 4, 2018 15:34:45 GMT 9
Dear America, Happy New Year! It took a few days to get back to the computer because my "button" was acting up and needed some attention. Syphilis is a terrible thing, and, though I do not have syphilis, you know that I know that you should avoid it at all costs, even if that means sending all your money to me for preemptive treatment. 2018 is going to be a nuclear explosion in my pants to paraphrase the prophet Stiv Bators. Look out Asia! Here I comes!! That is also stolen from Stiv Bators. He is dead. He cannot sue me. Steve Bannon had better cease and desist or he will join Stiv Bators. Fact. Just letting you know so you can do something to help Steve Bannon. These "Steves" end up dead in the weirdest places. I am so glad that nobody here has told anybody about the fire I had set in that Clinton house. I learned something over the holidays: Fire paste is my friend, my best friend in diverting attention from my donors enriching themselves.
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